Stalking Northman
by ChasingEric
Summary: Once upon a time in a land far, far away...oh who am I kidding? Two girls stalked... er went to visit... Eric Northman and this is how it all went down. A/H Mature Rating. No characters were hurt in the making of this story. LOL. Two parts. Collaboration with MissyDee and her EvyKins
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**  
**Hello everyone! It's Missydee and my EvyKins! So...it's safe to say that my Disneyland trip went well. Although well is an understatement! LOL. After all I am still alive! And surprisingly enough, I'm still a free man (woman) No jailtime for me! (Although Makesmyheadspin and Kjwrit did have bail money saved up!) It's safe to say Evy and me together is not legal...**

**Not in the least...**

**So here we have a little number we thought up while plotting the maid cart raid at the California Adventure hotel bar... wait, that's 2 plots at once, I think we're professional multi-taskers! Anywho... Xoxoxo's! We hope you enjoy!**  
**Disclaimer: Not ours, no Eric's, Sookie's, Amelia's or Tara's were hurt in the process. **

* * *

"Oh my God! That's Alex," I whisper-yelled across the wooden table. The small café was packed; filled with avid Angelinos who weren't the least bit fazed by the hustle and bustle of the usual Joan's crowd whereas Amelia and I were completely overwhelmed and stood out like tourists. We may as well have been wearing "I heart L.A." t-shirts.

She jumped, and turned around. "Where?! Where is he!?"

"Right there, eight o'clock. Don't be so obvious," I chided.

Amelia turned in her chair, attempting to appear nonchalant when in all actuality she couldn't have been more conspicuous.

"Wait, Aunt Louise? Why are you fangirling over my Aunt Louise?" she asked, clearly confused that Alex wasn't a hot man. "Why are we staring at her?"

"That's Alex Guarnaschelli! She's on _Food Network_! She's evil and I love it! She's like the Simon Cowell of food judging. She always makes this face and you never know what she's going to say. She's competing on _The Next Iron Chef_ right now too. AND SHE'S EATING AT JOAN'S... TEN FEET AWAY FROM ME! I _love _her, she's..."

"She's a hag is what she is," Amelia finished my sentence for me. "She just turned away when she saw my camera. Who does she think she is? She's on the Food Network for crying out loud. In 10 years she will have to beg people to take her picture."

"Well, she is eating a cupcake the size of my head. That screams I'm unhappy with life," I told her; a little distraught that Alex Guarnaschelli was such a c-word. Boo.

We finished our lunch and afterwards Amelia chronicled the entire experience in pictures which I loved. We walked to the car while searching the faces of every other patron sitting outside of Joan's and walking past us for the elusive Eric Northman. We weren't necessarily on a mission to find him, but if it happened we would happily beg for a picture. That's when my phone laughed at me. My text tone was a clip of his beautiful, sexy laugh. I opened my messaging app to see it was from Tara.

T: 3231 Kirkwood Dr.

S: What?!

T: Find his house. That is his address.

S: You're lying!

T: Nope. Just tell me when you're there.

"Amelia, Tara just sent me his address... His. Address. Where he lays his beautiful head!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Put it in the Garmin!" she squeaked while bouncing in her seat. The traffic in L.A. was atrocious and Amelia's driving was terrifying me.

"Calm. Down! I can't die before I see his home!" As I said this she whipped around and did a U-turn in the middle of Santa Monica Blvd... clearly unfazed by the oncoming traffic. She waved at the people honking as though it negated the fact that she almost killed seventeen people in the process. I had my face buried in my hands while she drove as though her mid-sized SUV was a military tank crafted of bulletproof armor. Terrifing!

"I need gas! We can't run out gas before we get there!" She whipped into the gas station without a trouble in the world until she ended up behind a white Toyota Corolla with this man holding his ear talking to someone like he was aboard the S.S. Enterprise.

We waited...

And waited...

"That guy is eating a sandwich!" Amelia exclaimed.

"No! Not the guy in the Toyota?" I looked up from my phone and the map to Eric's house.

"No. The guy in front of him started his gas and is sneaking bites of his sub. Ugh!" she let out a deep groan. "I could be in front of Toyota boy and if Toyota boy doesn't hurry up I'm going to punch him in his ball sac." Amelia said completely serious. I looked at her like she was crazy before I doubled over in laughter. As much as I loved Eric Northman, this would not be possible without this crazy woman that I loved so very much. She was insane and beautiful. She made me happier than finding Eric Northman's house would ever make me. She just didn't know it. Things progressed and we ended up in the spot of the sandwich guy as Toyota boy continued talking into his hand. People are strange, I'll give you that.

Once the tank was full I sent Tara a text message.

S: We are on our way to the address...right this second.

T: Squee! It's a gated neighborhood. Will you be able to get in?

S: I have no clue. Amelia is determined.

A few minutes passed before I heard from Tara again. The entire time Amelia was talking and bouncing while my heart started to beat faster and faster. I had no idea what to expect or if we would even be able to get to the house.

T: Lick him for me if he's there! *tastes like swedish flavored heaven*

S: Of course I'll lick him as Amelia climbs him.

I laughed about our exchange which didn't amuse Amelia one bit.

"Hey! Share the texting fun," she pouted. "After all I am driving you on this crazy mission."

I gave her a play by play which had us both giggling like school girls, but as soon as we started heading up the scary, windy road to Eric's house the energy in the car changed. I don't know if it was adrenaline, and I can't vouch for Amelia, but my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.

Thankfully speed racer had lifted her foot off the gas petal just a bit and for the first time since we'd been in the car, she was actually driving slow. I think it was because we both wanted to take in every little bit of scenery around us and as we drove by each house I could barely whisper the addresses out loud, knowing we were getting closer and closer with each passing second.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh... are we here, is this it?" she asked.

"Yes. We're here." I was more than certain that the sound of both our heartbeats was clear as day as she slowly pulled into his driveway and stopped the car.

Wait.

_She drove into his driveway and stopped the car?_

"What. The. Hell?" I asked, knowing full and well she had no intention of actually getting out of the car. Well, I take that back. Knowing Amelia and seeing her in action the night before I realized it was basically a crapshoot at this point.

There was NO telling what that girl was capable of.

She looked at me with an incredulous look while answering calmly, "Ummm...I'm getting out of the car so that we can go to the front door. You didn't think we were driving all this way just to spy from across the street did you?" With that she grabbed her camera phone and headed towards his house.

S: She's walking up to his front door RIGHT NOW!

S: I'm about to throw up!

T: Swallow! It's what he'll want you to do later!

I sat in the car in shock. It was almost like that scene from 'Friends' when Rachel is desperate for Josh's attention and she realizes her sexy black dress isn't working so she has a major brain malfunction and throws on her cheerleading outfit to impress him. Monica attempts to stop her, but in all actuality, she'd rather see the outcome than save her friend from further humiliation. Honestly, I could see Monica's point of view myself and at this point I was just wishing on a lucky star that I didn't have to witness Amelia cheering in the driveway although I could see it playing out in my head as clear as day.

"Give me an E...E"

"Give me an R...R"

"Give me an I...I"

"Give me a C...C"

"What does that spell? Eric, Eric, Ericccccc..."

Because heck, at that point I'd have to get out of the car to catch her crazy ass while she tumbled down his long driveway attempting a cartwheel in her three inch heels.  
I was pulled away from my thoughts when I heard her knock on the front door.  
_Knocking._... on Eric Northman's door.

Was she insane? Wait, we've already established that. Yes, _why yes _she most certainly was. I've just now realized I don't know the extent of said insanity.

There was silence for a few minutes and then it happened again.

"Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock."

I wasn't sure which was louder, my heartbeat, the pounding in my head or Amelia and her persistence to get Eric to open up his front door.

All I was trying to do was catch my breath and remain calm...until I saw her and she was frantically motioning for me to 'come here'.

I threw my hands up and gave her a WTH face as I mouthed "WHY?" She scowled and motioned again.

I got out of the car slowly and tentatively made my way up the drive.

"Don't worry, he's not here but we are getting pictures by his front door." At this point I realized she had been peeking inside to check for any sort of movement and the front part of his house was clearly visible from the open glass windows.  
I have to say, very sleek. Very Norwegian. It was almost like looking at an Ikea commercial.

"Okay so grab his doorknob and let me take your picture," she said in the same tone as though she just asked me for a piece of gum. How she wasn't fazed, I'd never understand.

I slowly reached out my hand and with one finger touched the knob which only made her laugh. I don't know why she's laughing, this is fingerprint evidence. I'm going to prison!

"No! We're here. It's a once in a lifetime experience. Grab hold of the knob like you're opening the door."

_For a short thing, she sure can be bossy._

However, once I saw the picture I could have hugged the life out of her because I have to admit I looked adorable and right at home, holding onto Eric's doorknob. _Hahaha, Eric's doorknob._

I took a step away from the door and looked around, into the windows and pretty much stood in awe. I was at _Eric Northman's _front door. It was too surreal. I couldn't believe it, or stand it any longer. I was certain the neighbors would come out any moment or call the cops on us. I went back to the car as fast as possible, expecting Amelia to follow so we could leave but no. She told me she was going to check the side of the house.

I didn't know what to do, so I texted Tara.

S: She's in his backyard! She's insane! He's not here though.

T: O.M.G. Hahaha will you be waiting or just breaking and entering?

T: Maybe he's inside masturbating. Tell her to peek into the windows. Or climb a tree and look into his rooftop pool.

When she came out I was laughing at Tara and shaking like a leaf in the passenger seat. "Look!" Amelia said, showing me her phone. The view from his backyard was gorgeous, but seriously. She was IN HIS BACKYARD. SNAPPING PICTURES. What kind of person does that?! An awesomely crazy one that makes every day an adventure, that's who! I knew there was a reason I loved Amelia. I would've never done something like that, ever and Ames was just the person to pull me out of my shell.

The street was so narrow we had to pull around to the back of his house to turn around, but on the way we stopped again. At his mailbox. "Open it," Amelia said as we pulled up next to it.

"NO! That's… wrong," I replied, I was still staring at the matte metal box with the number 3231 engraved on the front. And then I did it, I opened the box and sadly there was only a magazine sitting in there.

"Grab it! Look at it, does it have his name?" She questioned. I took it and we sat silently in the car staring at it. "Should we take it?"

"We already have it…" We pulled forward into the back drive at his house, stopped to take one more picture and then turned to drive away with his magazine.

We were felons.

We drove out of his neighborhood, slowly while I stared at his magazine. I loved his magazine… but we were felons.

"We should take it back," Amelia said. She was right; our souvenir would be the pictures, not the mail.

So we did. We took it back and I didn't feel any more comfortable than I did when I was taking it. The whole thing was terrifying, but it happened and I could never thank Ames enough. We decided to go look at the Hollywood sign and on the way there I spotted a grocery store, one that I knew he'd been photographed in so we stopped. As we walked through the freezing cold tundra that was my favorite actor's grocery spot I suddenly realized we were living a day in the life of Eric Northman.

* * *

**This is only part one of the stalking. It's insane, we know, but it's been a blast to write. Just a heads up, we ARE NOT stalkers! This is purely FICTION! **

**We decided life's too short to take it so seriously. Our imaginations sometimes get the better of us and put two Eric obsessed girls in a bar with lots and lots of beer and this is what happens... BTW, somehow we ended up with a 'grow your own tree in a jar'... More to come on the Disney fun in the next installment of our lovely 2 shot. **

**Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

Since we were doing all the things the paparazzi caught him doing we went on a trek to his gym. I asked Tara since I knew she would know and she sent me the name and address of his gym in less than a minute.

S: Do you know what gym he goes to?

T: Equinox. 8590 Sunset Boulevard. :)

S: Thanks! You're perfect!

T: Make sure to tell him that if you run into him!

We punched it into the GPS or as Amelia said, the Garmin even though it was Google maps on my phone. She was so stinking cute.

On the way to the gym we passed this hotel, club place that he's always spotted at, but we were already on the gym mission. In getting there we had to drive down this little hill to park. Well when walking back up it the "little hill" was suddenly a ninety-degree straight up mile - or so it seemed. Of course we did the typical tourist thing and took pictures of The Sunset strip. Once we got to the gym entrance everything seemed so surreal. I'd seen hundreds of pictures of Eric Northman walking past the long fountain I was staring at, and while Amelia snapped her own pictures of everything in sight I took one of the fountains with the elevator at the end and sent it to Tara. I hated that she couldn't be with us, but she would most definitely be included in our next mission.

T: Ooohh...by the elevator there is where he was scratching his NorthBalls! #HollywoodBallTours

S: I just love you!

T: Damn that was a lot of pics to scroll through but here's the balls you should be touring, lol.

As Tara's picture text came thru I laughed outloud. It really was the paparazzi shot of Eric scratching his balls...and right next to the elevator I had just photographed!

We went on back and forth for a bit while Ames looked around. I think she freaked out the guy with giant arms while she was trying to get the perfect angle of the gym name in etched glass. Oh well. Unfortunately it started raining so we took off again.

We drove around the bar and snapped pictures of the sign and then on our way back to the freeway I saw his old grocery store and got a picture of that too.

"We need Starbucks," I told Amelia. I was still hungover from the night before and I couldn't believe I'd done as much as I did without seventy-five cups of coffee.

We were turning into a Coffee Bean when Amelia gasped. I looked over at her and her hand was around her neck. "My necklace is missing."

"What? Did you put it on today?" I asked, we'd been to a hundred places that day and retracing our steps would be horrible.

"I did, I remember playing with it as I was driving up Eric's street. You know when the Bentley was following us." Something I didn't mention before. When we were in NorthHood there was a big black Bentley that was behind us or in front of us at every turn. It was creepy.

"What about after that?" I questioned. We could _not_go back to his house. What if he was home? How would we explain that?"

"I heard something when I was in his backyard. There were a bunch of rocks; I think it fell off when I was leaning over trying to get a better look."

"You're lying," I groaned. She shook her head no and I knew what was about to happen.

_We were going back to Eric Northman's house._

It was growing dark and with traffic it would be full dark before we got back there. The odds of him being at home were very, very high.

I hated that I didn't even have to punch the address back into my GPS. I was able to guide her to his house by memory. His front door is tucked away so we weren't able to see if any lights were on. Amelia managed to talk _me_into going into his backyard to search for her necklace. I had a flashlight on my phone and according to her she would watch for people and lie better than I would if someone did approach. When I walked past his front door I was unable to see any lights through the windows and that was a good sign, but still… Ugh.

So I found myself on my hands and knees with my phone in hand, searching for a gold chain with an Amelia charm on it. Super tiny and it was super dark. Two things that didn't mix. Just as I was getting ready to give up I heard a noise, a crunch really, and I froze. Someone was in the backyard with me, someone entirely too quiet to be Amelia.

**EPOV**

I was about to pull up to my house when I saw a strange car parked in my driveway. I'd just moved into the house and I knew not many of my friends knew where I lived. The mid-sized SUV looked completely unfamiliar so I drove past to the house next door. It was empty and had a secluded driveway I was able to park in to avoid detection.

I got out and snuck up to the back of my house just as a small dark haired girl was walking out of my back gate. That was trespassing, I felt so violated, but I had to know who the girl was and what she wanted in my backyard. I was about to walk into the front to confront her when I noticed another girl in the car. A pretty little blonde that looked so scared and nervous as she feverishly played with her phone. She looked like she was going through every emotion imaginable and when she laughed I was transfixed. She had a beautiful smile, and although I couldn't hear her, I bet the sound was angelic.

I quickly jumped out of sight again and watched through the brush as the brunette got into the car again. I raced down to my own car and jumped in to follow. I was intrigued as all hell by these two. Anyone that would trespass like that had to be interesting if nothing else.

So I followed.

I didn't know what to think as they drove from place to place. About the time they started taking pictures at my gym I realized they were going to all the places _I'd _been photographed.

Stalker much?

Oh well, I could've had worse looking stalkers and truth be told, considering the amount of times I'd actually had fans...male and female, asking me to _bite_ them, there was very little that could faze me. From what I witnessed they seemed to laugh a lot and they didn't seem _that _crazy. When the rain started coming down I decided it was time to go home. I needed a shower and I had to make sure my house wasn't compromised and scanned the perimeter.

I was in the backyard and the sun was just going down when something caught my eye. I bent over and found a thin gold chain with a pendant that said "Amelia". That must've been the brunette since she was the one in the back. I felt bad she lost it even though she lost it while engaging in criminal activity.

About an hour later I was standing in my kitchen getting a beer when I heard a car in my driveway. I immediately turned all the lights off just in case the girls were back. They were cute, but scary.

I stood back a little and watched from the dark as the blonde one scurried from the car in my driveway to my backyard. She was going to look for the necklace, no doubt. I gave it a few minutes before I went out through the sliding door in my room the led to the back of the house. She was on her hands and knees, so engrossed looking for the jewelry that she didn't hear me approach. I was able to watch her with the little flashlight on her phone for about two minutes. As I watched I was able to enjoy the little curses coming from her mouth. She was pissed at Amelia for making her do something so crazy. At least I knew she wasn't the mastermind. I was right too, her voice was angelic. Her scent hit me, urging me to get closer. I wanted to smell her, touch her, and rub myself all over her. Wow, the semi-crazy little stalker chick took me by complete surprise. I couldn't stop myself from taking another step forward and my foot landed on a twig which made it snap and the blonde freeze.

She slowly started to look in the direction of the noise; the flashlight on her cellphone started at my feet and I watched as it slowly moved up my body, ending at my face. I followed her gaze the entire time and from what I could see behind the glow she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

I held up the gold necklace that I put in my pocket when I found it and smirked before asking, "Looking for this?" Her full pink lips started opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I'm so sorry," she finally spoke. Her voice was soft and she looked truly terrified. I could've fucked with her and made her think I was going to call the cops on her, but like I'd mentioned previously, I was intrigued and in my mind there was nothing worse than dealing with a crying woman.

"Care to explain?" I cocked an eyebrow and she slowly shook her head no as she tried to stutter another apology. "Come on," I reached my hand out to help her up. She took it and the poor girl was so shaky I again found myself feeling bad for my little trespasser.

"Amelia," she breathed out heavily when she was finally standing. Her eyes darted to the gate, then back to me and while attempting to point toward what I assumed was stalker number two, she started to lose her balance. I reached out with my other hand to steady her and when she felt my hand on her tiny waist a gasp came out of her mouth. She was transfixed on my lips and even though it was cute and creepy at the same time, I couldn't deny wondering if she tasted as good as she looked.

"We can go get her if you like," I offered and led her to the slider I came out of. I hadn't let go of her hand and she was still shaking like a leaf. It was cute. She was cute, a lot cuter close up than I expected and I really wasn't sure how I felt being attracted to my little stalker girl. I tried to take her to the kitchen, but she froze in my bedroom. That had to be insane for her and more than anything in that moment I wished I could read her mind.

I let go of her hand and watched as she looked around in awe, taking everything in as though she was trying to memorize my room's contents. It couldn't have been more than five minutes before I heard footsteps outside.

**SPOV**

I was in his room, staring at his bed..._Eric Northman's bed...SQUEE!..._unable to focus because of his proximity, and quite possibly his cologne.

He smelled amazing and it was starting to go to my head.

I was high on Eric Northman. There are worse drugs I guess.

My brain must have short circuited because one second I was staring at the giant bed that held the giant, beautiful man to my right and the next second, said giant man was standing behind me, pressed close enough that I could feel every muscle in his hard stomach against my back. I guess all those hours at the gym were paying off and I was about to see firsthand what every woman in the world had spent countless hours imagining. At least I hoped, and from the way his hands rested on my hips I had a feeling the hoping was paying off.

His hands...

His large, sexy, strong hands were starting to travel up and down my sides. My eyes were still glued to the bed, willing him to push me down onto it and ravage me like an animal. He didn't do what I wanted; instead he reached up and pushed my hair aside so he could run the tip of his nose up the back of my neck to my ear.

"You smell so good," he whispered.

"Y… you aren't mad," I paused to gulp, "that I was tres… trespassing?"

"Mmm, you're the sweetest little, stalker surprise I've ever had," he kissed my neck and I felt it from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair. "The moment I saw you I knew I had to have you."

"But… um… Amelia," I was so nervous I didn't know what to do or say to him.

"She can wait, this is about us, little one," he kissed my neck again before he turned me around to face him. "Kiss me."

How could I deny the object of my affection? I slowly leaned in and pressed my full, pink lips to his thinner, surprisingly soft lips. He gave me a moment to processes before he lined the seam of my lips with the tip of his wet tongue, coaxing me to open for him. I did, the second our mouths fused I forgot all about my friend sitting in her car waiting on me to retrieve her necklace.

I let myself go and melted into his embrace as he wove his fingers through my hair, filling it with tangles no doubt, but ask me if I cared. Not one bit, I had Eric Northman's mouth on mine. I could've died in that exact moment and I would've felt my life was fulfilled.

How was I going to explain to Amelia what tool me so long when I returned to her?

Oh, I know. I WAS BUSY FUCKING ERIC NORTHMAN! That's how.

I don't know how long we kissed, but one second we were standing and the next he was laying on top of me, trying to rip my flowy shirt off. My hands were everywhere, and let me tell you ladies, his ass was everything we all imagined it would be. So firm, just like the rest of him. His hands were working on my jeans and I somehow lost my shoes between standing at the foot of the bed and my new prone position.

"I need these off," he said as he tugged at my belt loops.

"Yes, sheriff," I moaned.

Eric pulled back a little so he could look down into my eyes. "Did you just call me sheriff?" I nodded, "God, you're adorable," he growled and crushed his lips to mine again.

His hands were back in my hair and he was pulling my head back so he could kiss my neck when we were stopped by a knock on the open sliding glass door.

I looked over and in the moment I realized I was not making out with Eric Northman. In fact Eric Northman and I were still fully clothed standing at the foot of his bed. He was looking at me with a hint of concern and Amelia's head was poking through the slider.

"Is everything okay in here?" she asked and I blinked a few times before nodding. At least I think I was nodding.

* * *

**This is turning into a 3 shot… We are getting carried away! **

**Thanks to all of the reviewers, favoriters, and alerters!**


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